About anything > funnnnnyyyyy 

A man buys a bottle of VIAGRA for his personal use. He gets home and the second day goes to work. His parrot "by mistakes"  takes all the pills. When the men comes back .. he sees the parrot real "IN THE MOOD". He stays and thinks what to do to cool him off... and he decides to put him in the freezer. He puts the parrot in the freezer...and forgets about it. After a couple of hours he rememebers about the bird, goes to the freezer and openes it .....:eek:;eek:.. in the freezer the parot was all tiread and sweaty.
He asks the parrot:
-What happpened. I put u in the freezer to cool u off ...and u are all sweaty and tired?
The parrot answeres:
-Hey man do you have any idea how har is tho spread the legs of theese frozen chicks?

ROFL

What site did you copy this from?

to Speech [5]
no site ... jockes i heard:P  why

Ohh then my reply is ROFL

Out of interest a friend asked her mate
'Do you think of your husbands face when your having sex?'
The mate replied: 'Just the once, i saw rage.'
Her friend replied: 'Why would you see rage?'
'Well, he was looking through the window at the time.'

This ugly guy goes to his doctor.
'Doc i need help. Im so lonely, ive got no friends, im been ostracized at work,
no women will come near me and people laugh at me when they walk past.
Im so depressed.'
Doc replies:
'Ok, sit on the couch face down and we'll talk about it.'

Q: What goes?  'Click - is that it.
Click - is that it.
Click - is that it.'
A: A Blind man with a Rubix cube

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.

A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese
Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes : "USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!" She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the following week she enclosed another note: "USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!"
The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was delivered, it contained a note from him: "I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTIES!!! USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!!"

Bubba and Ray ( Tennessee mechanical engineers) were
standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A
woman walked by and asked what they were doing. We're
supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said
Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few
bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape
measure from her pocket, took a measurement,
announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked
away.

Ray shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like
a woman! We ask for the height and she gives us the
length!"

Bubba and Junior are currently doing government work
supervising reconstruction of levees in New Orleans

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------

Mortal: What is a million years like to you?

God: Like one second.

Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you?

God: Like one penny.

Mortal: Can I have a penny?

God: Just a second.

I applied for the same Job and they said that they would rather Employ him :turp:

More Bubba and Ray stories)

True but brief story of something that happened yesterday.

Ronnie Rat, and man who you can actually see the working of his mind shifting slowly but surely into gear upon asking the most simple of questions like: 'What time is it? On your watch... left hand!'

His truck broke, someone told him it's likely to of ran out of oil. He inspected to dip-stick and when to the Team Leader.

TL: Hello Ronnie, whats up?
RR: This dip-stick isn't long enough.

*the dipstick
*went)

Ronnie Rat

Heard his granmother had pasted away. Went to the wrong funeral, and then found out a few days later that it was his aunt.

More Rats storys but there so ridiculous you wouldnt believe me.

One more.

He got 40 pound gift vouchers for the supermarket Morrisons at christmas.
Went shopping and bought as close to 40 pound as he could and went to the counter.
He was in Tesco's and got turned away.

:confused:

German guy approaches a prostitute and says " I vish to buy sex vit you"

"OK" says the girl, "I'll charge 100 dollars an hour"

" Ist goot, But I must varn you, I am a little kinky"

"No problem" she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky" So off they
go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.

"I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs."

The girl finds this very strange, but complies, fastening the springs
to her hands and knees.

"Now you vill get on your hans and knees."

She duly does this, balancing on the springs.

"You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you."

She finds all this very odd, but figures it's harmless, and the guy is paying.
The sex is fantastic.

She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time
honking on the duck caller. The climax is the most sensational she has ever
experienced, and it is several minutes before she has recovered her breath.

Finally she gasps

"That was totally amazing....... what do you call that?"

"Ah", says the German,

[wait for it!]

"Four-sprung duck technique..."