About anything > funnnnnyyyyy 

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

lol

:laugh: :DDD

ROFLMAO

Well, I've would of hired him too... He reminds me of myself. Though I hate dumb blond models.. O.o

cool ))

A plane is on its way to Toronto when a blonde in economy class gets up and moves to the 1st class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class and that she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies: "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful. I'm going to Toronto and I'm staying right here."The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the copilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class that belongs in economy and won't move back to her seat. The copilot goes
back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies: "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Toronto and I'm staying right here" The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.

The pilot says: "you say she is a blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." he goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, "oh, I'm sorry." and she gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.

The flight attendant and copilot are amazed and ask him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

"I told her, first class isn't going to Toronto."

:laugh:

Great lines from job evaluations:



1. I would not allow this employee to breed.

2. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more definitely a won't be.

3. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

4. When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change whichever foot was previously there.

5. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

6. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

7. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

8. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

9. This employee should go far and the sooner he starts, the better.

10. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

11. Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't watching.

12. A room temperature IQ.

13. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it together.

14. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

15. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

16. A prime candidate for natural deselection.

17. Bright as Alaska in December.

18. One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.

19. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

20. Fell out of the family tree.

21. Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

22. Has two brains: one is lost; the other is out looking for it.

23. He's so dense, light bends around him.

24. If brains were taxed, she'd get a refund.

25. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

26. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'll get change.

27. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

28. It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

29. One neuron short of a synapse.

30. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.

31. Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.

32. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

33. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

34. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

:laugh: ...awsome :)

:laugh: fantastic great i'll think i be that honest for my job application or more honest lol

nice :))

This guy came to a cathouse to have some sex. He was greeted by a madame at the front desk. He asked what's on the menu. Madame walked him to he third floor inside a beautiful room with candle light, soft romantic music, air conditioning, serviced by a centerfold model type girl, he asked: " how much ", madame said: " 200 ", the guy said:
" I can't afford this room, do you have something less?".
She walked the guy down to the second floor to the less classy room with some simple decoration and a small radio on the table nearby, serviced by a street girl, he asked: "how much?", madame answered: "100", he said: "well, I don't want to pay that much money just to have a quick sex, do you have something much less than this?".
She walked him down to the basement in a small damp room with just a oil lamp and a small bed, he is happy to ask how much? The madame said: " ten dalla ", he said good, I take it ", she left the room, so the guy can make himself comfortable waiting for the girl. He waited and waited for two hours but there is nobody came in to service him, he went up to the lobby and madly asked the madame: " heh, where's the girl?", she looked at him and slowly replied: " ten dalla you do it yourself."

Hhahahaha Awsome man

=)))))))))))))))))))))))

28. It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.


lol)). Im gonna use that one)

lol

4. When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change whichever foot was previously there.

Haha so like one of the chicks I know...

:laugh: :eek: where u take these jokes from mate? :confused: dery COOL

:laugh: x10 omg thats gotta be the funniest joke yet and where u getting it from :mag: