About anything > NEW,FRESH JOKES EVERYDAY! 

A guy burned two ears... so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened.

He said, "I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang...so instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear..."

"But how the heck did you burn the other ear?" The doctor asked.

"How do you think I called you people?"

I don't know if any of you guys have already heard this joke before, but I was bursting from laugh when first read it! Anyway, lets cut all this intro down and come straight to the point:

"One day, down in the mystical forest, a magical frog was hopping towards a water hole. The forest was so enormous that the frog had never laid eyes on another animal before. But today, by chance a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.

The frog called for the two to stop and said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant both of you three wishes. Bear, you can go first." The bear thought for a moment, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest, apart from me, to be female."

For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.

It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well."

The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and roared the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for such idiotic items, because after all, he could have asked for money and bought the bike.

For the last wish the bear thought for a while and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, apart from me, were female."

The rabbit grinned, roared the engine, and said, "I wish that the bear was gay." "

:)))) lol :)

I have new joke!JUST RELAX!!AND SMILE!))))))

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you did take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you did not take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you do sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom."

Lesson of the day... Don't Lie To Your Mother.

Yeah, I've read this one b4! Awesome! )))

Nice one :)

One day an American was buying a horse in a market, and spotted a particularly beautiful chestnut brown racing horse. He went up to the salesman and made an offer. The salesman took the offer and said
"Alright, but it is a very special horse. You have to say 'thank goodness' to make it go faster, and 'peace'to make it slow down."
The American said "Cool" and got on the horse, paid the man and said 'thank goodness'. The horse started walking. He carried on saying 'thank goodness' until the horse was at full canter. As the horse went over a crest the man saw a cliff coming up very quickly. He could not remember how to make the horse slow down so he said random words to tey to make it stop. Eventually he remembered and shouted 'PEACE', and the horse stopped 6 inches from the edge of the cliff. The American breathed a sigh of relief and said 'thank goodness'

> Freedom Fighter 2004


Ha-ha! :))))))))))))

> Freedom Fighter 2004

I like It!  LOL!

I PROMISE ! I DO!

1)What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.

2)Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.
When did you first notice this problem?
What problem?

3)What is defference between man and Superman?
Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.

4)Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.

5)What is green and smells?
Hulk's fart.

6)How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle?
Shine a torch into her ear...

ENOUGH FOR TODAY.SMILE PEOPLE! I'LL HELP TO DO IT!  )))))))))

A boy and a girl decided to get married. And one day the boy was introduced to his bride's family. He found his mom-in-law as very sexy and attractive woman but never told anyone about that. One day, when the boy was home alone, his mom-in-law had called him and invited for dinner. When the boy arrived to her house, the woman was semi naked. "Sweetheart, I always desired to have sex with you. So if you're a real man, get undressed and follow me upstairs", she said stroking her beautiful breast. The poor boy sighed turned arround and went off through the door. He met his father-in-law just outside. "Thanx God, boy, you have passed the trial and now we know that you deserve to be our daughter's husband" the man said.
What have we got from this story? STORE YOUR CONDOMS IN THE CAR

>>>>>>>>>Igelis

SUPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ))))))))))))))))))

NEW JOKE FOR TODAY!

golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."

A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and says, "OK." And sinks the putt.

Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole."

The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." And he makes an eagle.

Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"

The golfer says, "Certainly." And makes the eagle.

As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says,"You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil and from now on you will have no sex life."

"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name's Father O'Malley."

Fun site :)

Two programers taks about girls. "See that chick? Nice PROPERTIES ha?" one says. "Yaeh I've checked'em already. Unfortunatelly - READ ONLY"

Cooler is a Chopper. But small

Mother-in-law is the greatest treasure in man's life. But treasures mostly are burried

You can drink beer in German way - with sossiges. You can drink beer in English way - with chips. You can drink beer in Japanese way - with sushi. But I prefer beer in Russian way - with vodka.

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Alcohol-free beer is a very first step to a rubber woman

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This cat is cat a cat way cat how cat to cat make cat an cat
idiot cat busy cat for cat 20 cat seconds cat.
Now read it without ''cat'' !!

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No Smint - no Kiss, no Kiss - no Love, no Love - no Sex,
no Sex - no Baby, no Baby - no Problem.
So no Smint - no Problem

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Sex is like NOKIA (connecting people), like NIKE (just do it),
like PEPSI (ask for more), like SAMSUNG (everyone is invited)...

>>Igelis

THX.I Like It!   )))))))))

AND JOKES FOR TODAY!(09.02.2005)

The AL GORE virus: causes your computer to just keep counting.

The CLINTON virus: gives you a 7-inch hard drive with NO memory.

The BOB DOLE (AKA: VIAGRA) virus: makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

The LEWINSKY virus: sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e- mails everyone about what it did.

The RONALD REAGAN virus: saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

The JESSE JACKSON virus: warns you constantly about illegitimate file reproduction, while illegitimately reproducing files in the background.

The MIKE TYSON virus: quits after two bytes.

The OPRAH WINFREY virus: your 300 MB hard drive shrinks to 100 MB, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200 MB.

The JACK KEVORKIAN virus: deletes all old files.

The PROZAC virus: totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

The JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus: only attacks minor files.

The ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus: terminates some files, leaves, but will be back.

and last but not least ...

The LORENA BOBBITT virus: reformats your hard drive into a 3.5-inch floppy, then discards it through Windows.

SMILE PEOPLE!I LL HELP TO DO IT! JUST SMILE AND RELAX!!!!!!!))))))